Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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