one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
