I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
