guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
