I hope mine doesn't look like that
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
