Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize