Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
