I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
