I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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