A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
