the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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