All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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