If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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