Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
