we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
