Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
