I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
