you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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