FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
