I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize