Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
