You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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