Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
