Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
