Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
