loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
