is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
they need to just BURY HIM!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
