You're so nebulous sometimes
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish you could order shots online.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
