Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
