I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you had me at cake vodka
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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