Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
