No period for spring break; use this wisely.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
