how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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