Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
