If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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