Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
