Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
