Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I skipped work to stalk him.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
