Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
