I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
