I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Duck Duck Cougar?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
