Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
