More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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