I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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