I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
