kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
