Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
