It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
PANTIES FOUND
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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