How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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