so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
