Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
