So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
