There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How naked do you want me to be?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
