We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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