Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
