WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
