He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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