Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
