Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
