boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
