I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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