she kept yelling 'call me bella'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
