Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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