Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
