I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
nutella sex= disaster
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
