Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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